Ya, it is still frickin' cold here....tomorrow is supposed to be -10 but feel like -27 with the windchill. As if I didn't feel the cabin fever already, now going outside in the sunshine isn't really an option. Oh well, the girls and I always seem to find something to do when I least expect it. With the cold comes more cooking indoors then on the BBQ. Took to making some turkey chili with homemade cornbread the other night. Couldn't resist making my meatloaf another night which takes me back home, knowing how much everyone loved it. It is also time to bring out the slow cooker and figure out some recipes to there. The baking me has returned and this new stand mixer I got is fabulocious. I have to keep my eyes on the dough though because my little helper, Jade, likes to eat it rather than let it make its way to the oven.
Life has been pretty status quo as of late. Ted and I were finally able to celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary (it was October 10th) when we went to meet Ashlee in Toronto for the weekend. It was so hard to get her to look after the girls for an evening, not....It is pretty weird going out childless for more than a half hour. The next day we all went to the aquarium which was pretty neat. I would recommend it to anyone with kids coming out this way, much different than the Vancouver one. Overall that was one very nice weekend; between enjoying a night with Ted, seeing my sister and just being a family away, can't get much better.
Jade continues with her three days a week at "school" which she couldn't be happier at. I had to laugh the other day when I was picking her up and one of the little boys was a little sad it wasn't his mom. The teacher said, some kids get upset when their parents aren't the ones walking through the door to which I said, I bet that is not Jade. Nope, not at all, Jade could give two hoots who walks through the door if she has friends to play with. She has been learning her letters, every week is a new one and she has to bring an item to share that starts with the specific letter. Last week was "R" so Jade took her racers, Ramone and Raul. Her Cars collection only continues to grow and we have now had to take to ordering online as several aren't available in store. To be honest, I don't know who gets more excited about it, Jade or Ted. Jade is also in swimming and gymnastics which again, she loves, of course, because there are friends. Oh, and her name has gotten longer again. If you ask her what her name is, you will usually get "Big Big Sister Jade" but now it is "Big Big Sister Jade Honey". Do not forget the Big Big Sister part, that is like referring to an elder without the Mrs or Mr.
I am getting quite worried that Charlie is a mini Jade...full of energy and a talking machine. Okay, so that isn't that bad but quietness in this house is going to be seldom. Maybe I can blame that one on my social butterfly mom and the trait just skips a generation. Some nights we try to watch a show and it is a little difficult as we can't hear due to Charlie murming constantly. If she isn't talking, then there is something, whatever she can get her hands on, going into her mouth. The kid doesn't stop moving; either, rolling around, flailing the arms all the while smiling and watching the world around her. Like I said before, it is amazing how in love these two sisters are. If Jade is doing something, Charlie is intensely watching with a smile and if Charlie does something, Jade gets excited and is sure to let us all know the play by play.
Okay, so I am one of those moms I guess who likes to brag and talk about their kids....hey, I am pretty quiet so just be thankful I find something to talk about without hesitation, lol.
Ted is doing wickedly awesome in his course, just dying to be done and moving away from Borden. That end date of May 25th draws nearer every week. It is pretty neat seeing him have a passion in what he is doing. Before starting he knew nothing about cars and now he gets excited to go out and tinker with his, find out what is wrong with it and how to fix it. I also am becoming much more knowledgeable with how much he talks about it. I have learned how much of a rip off air-care was and exactly why.
As for me, well there isn't a whole lot to say. I have accepted the fact that I am not likely to meet many people here so I will just bide my time until we move to wherever we end up and make the best of it for the girls. I find myself spending way way too much time in my head thinking about things, so many many things. When I say my own head, I don't mean I am only thinking about me, me, me but rather all those around me and our future. Eeek, I think I am starting to repeat what I wrote last time. I finally sent off my CV to apply for my masters; what the heck, why not add another thing to my list to worry about. At least it will distract me from some of my unnecessary worries :). Man, sounds pretty blah eh? It isn't always that way, I have a great family both here and in North Van who keep me going and brighten my spirits. I mean how could you not laugh with a kid like Jade...sorry, Big Big Sister Jade Honey.
Well, I think I am going to go put Charlie Girl to bed and think about doing the same myself.
Adios amigos.
Monday, January 26, 2015
Saturday, January 10, 2015
"Let It Go"
Ok, it is flipping cold here lately so going outside is not often on the agenda and cabin fever is building up. Those who know me know sitting for extended periods of time without activity kills me so going days on end has been torture; however, going out in -23 weather would be probably worse. It did manage to warm up a bit today to -10, -19 with the wind chill so Ted and I took the girls out on their sled and went for a little walk. It was short, but very nice to get out.
Being stuck inside leaves me far too much time with my own mind and lots of thoughts and worries start to arise. Sometimes I wish I could just have a new brain and not have to deal with my own thoughts and worries. I think sometimes I find things to worry about if I have nothing as it just doesn't feel right. I sure hope these two girls of mine don't follow in my footsteps and can be a little more free than I. I swear my brain never shuts off, running 24/7 without hesitation. Every decision, every action, every reaction, I need to think about and analyze....don't want to make the wrong move or the analyzing is 100x worse. If someone questions me, no harm intended, maybe because they are curious of why I did what I did, I automatically start regretting my words/actions.
I have no doubt everyone has heard of Frozen, if not seen it several times. Of course with a 3.5 yr old we listen to the soundtrack daily and honestly, I am not complaining as I quite like it. I think part of me liking it is, as cliche as it sounds, because I can really identify with the theme song as I am sure several others can as well.
"Don't let them in, don't let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don't feel, put on a show
Make one wrong move and everyone will know"
I spend so much of my time not letting anyone in to seeing the real me. I have always been the good girl, never doing anything wrong and if I did do something wrong I was absolutely terrified of being caught. For me, this had nothing to do with being scared of my parents or what they would do if they caught me as my parents were pretty laid back. They instilled great values and morals with Ashlee and I but were never harsh or fear inducing. Wearing a mask is what I do best; very few people can see past that mask and know when I am trying to hide. I always worry if I do say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing everyone will know and I would be soooo embarrassed. To me, if I am embarrassed it means I fear showing my face because I feel like such an idiot. That being said, when it comes to work related things or involving others, I can admit I am wrong or that I made a mistake. The embarrassment more comes from things that I had a choice of doing, if that makes any sense.
Being in a town where I barely know anyone means my mask is rarely taken off. Sure at home I can be me but even then it is sometimes hard and being the perceived me is just better for all. This journey will be full of roller coaster as living in the military often equates to moving to new towns and thus having to meet new people and find new jobs quite frequently.
I am only four months into my maternity leave and here I am worrying about going back to work; worrying about when the time comes that I have to seek out a new position in a new town....so many thoughts run through my head and I just worry, worry, worry. WTF, can't I just focus on my life now and not down the road; does everything have to be preplanned and set up months in advance? I can only seem to dream of being able to "let it go".
With all that said and how I feel, I do strive to hide it all from Jade and Charlie. They don't need to know the struggles I have nor do they need to see them. These two amazing girls deserve a mom who is not scared to do anything and says what is needed without question. I guess Jade has been good for me in terms of that as I have had to force myself to drop the mask sometimes and just go; however, that isn't to say that when I come home and it is quiet, I don't rehash things in my own head. Now that there is Jade and Charlie, I am no doubt going to be forced out of my hole much more often than I have ever been or ever wanted to be. Not to mention Ted pushes me to talk a lot more and stop trying to do everything on my own. It's weird though, because, like I said, I have no reason to fear what others think of me and I also have no reason to do everything on my own. Not once growing up was I ever chastised or humiliated by parents; rather they were always encouraging and very positive...hmmmmm. In fact, I got the nickname "Kirby" in high school after my mom bought me a book of encouragement written by Kirby Puckett. That was one of many positive, encouraging trinkets she has given me over the years.
Jade and Charlie are happy little girls, constantly laughing and giggling....and....farting...the little girly girls that they are. Jade has her obsession with Cars and Charlie with putting whatever she can in her mouth, in her mouth. When the two of them are together, they may not be able to converse in everyday English but the sounds they make and the smiles that light up the room are heart warming. I am one very proud mama.
I saw this meme on someone's Facebook wall the other day how those who have left us sometimes open the door to say hi. My gosh has this ever been true these past few nights. With the anniversary of my grandma's death on coming up, I have had dreams about her that leave me waking up not sure what the heck just happened. She always makes her presence known though through Jade and the way Jade looooves butter with a little bread. Exactly as my grandma would do, leave a piece of butter near them and it will be gone instantly without needing anything to go with it.
I am sitting here on Jade's Thomas board with race tracks on the other side of my computer and Charlie bouncing in her jolly jumper blowing bubbles and slobbering like crazy. Ah the life of a mom, lol....the days of having a clean house for more than a day are gone for quite sometime.
Alrighty, on that note I shall bid you adieu and go get Jade ready for bed. Again, thank you for all the positive words and encouragement. I am still pretty hesitant to put any of this out there but once I force myself to press send, there is no turning back.
"To believe you can is everything"
Being stuck inside leaves me far too much time with my own mind and lots of thoughts and worries start to arise. Sometimes I wish I could just have a new brain and not have to deal with my own thoughts and worries. I think sometimes I find things to worry about if I have nothing as it just doesn't feel right. I sure hope these two girls of mine don't follow in my footsteps and can be a little more free than I. I swear my brain never shuts off, running 24/7 without hesitation. Every decision, every action, every reaction, I need to think about and analyze....don't want to make the wrong move or the analyzing is 100x worse. If someone questions me, no harm intended, maybe because they are curious of why I did what I did, I automatically start regretting my words/actions.
I have no doubt everyone has heard of Frozen, if not seen it several times. Of course with a 3.5 yr old we listen to the soundtrack daily and honestly, I am not complaining as I quite like it. I think part of me liking it is, as cliche as it sounds, because I can really identify with the theme song as I am sure several others can as well.
"Don't let them in, don't let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don't feel, put on a show
Make one wrong move and everyone will know"
I spend so much of my time not letting anyone in to seeing the real me. I have always been the good girl, never doing anything wrong and if I did do something wrong I was absolutely terrified of being caught. For me, this had nothing to do with being scared of my parents or what they would do if they caught me as my parents were pretty laid back. They instilled great values and morals with Ashlee and I but were never harsh or fear inducing. Wearing a mask is what I do best; very few people can see past that mask and know when I am trying to hide. I always worry if I do say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing everyone will know and I would be soooo embarrassed. To me, if I am embarrassed it means I fear showing my face because I feel like such an idiot. That being said, when it comes to work related things or involving others, I can admit I am wrong or that I made a mistake. The embarrassment more comes from things that I had a choice of doing, if that makes any sense.
Being in a town where I barely know anyone means my mask is rarely taken off. Sure at home I can be me but even then it is sometimes hard and being the perceived me is just better for all. This journey will be full of roller coaster as living in the military often equates to moving to new towns and thus having to meet new people and find new jobs quite frequently.
I am only four months into my maternity leave and here I am worrying about going back to work; worrying about when the time comes that I have to seek out a new position in a new town....so many thoughts run through my head and I just worry, worry, worry. WTF, can't I just focus on my life now and not down the road; does everything have to be preplanned and set up months in advance? I can only seem to dream of being able to "let it go".
With all that said and how I feel, I do strive to hide it all from Jade and Charlie. They don't need to know the struggles I have nor do they need to see them. These two amazing girls deserve a mom who is not scared to do anything and says what is needed without question. I guess Jade has been good for me in terms of that as I have had to force myself to drop the mask sometimes and just go; however, that isn't to say that when I come home and it is quiet, I don't rehash things in my own head. Now that there is Jade and Charlie, I am no doubt going to be forced out of my hole much more often than I have ever been or ever wanted to be. Not to mention Ted pushes me to talk a lot more and stop trying to do everything on my own. It's weird though, because, like I said, I have no reason to fear what others think of me and I also have no reason to do everything on my own. Not once growing up was I ever chastised or humiliated by parents; rather they were always encouraging and very positive...hmmmmm. In fact, I got the nickname "Kirby" in high school after my mom bought me a book of encouragement written by Kirby Puckett. That was one of many positive, encouraging trinkets she has given me over the years.
Jade and Charlie are happy little girls, constantly laughing and giggling....and....farting...the little girly girls that they are. Jade has her obsession with Cars and Charlie with putting whatever she can in her mouth, in her mouth. When the two of them are together, they may not be able to converse in everyday English but the sounds they make and the smiles that light up the room are heart warming. I am one very proud mama.
I saw this meme on someone's Facebook wall the other day how those who have left us sometimes open the door to say hi. My gosh has this ever been true these past few nights. With the anniversary of my grandma's death on coming up, I have had dreams about her that leave me waking up not sure what the heck just happened. She always makes her presence known though through Jade and the way Jade looooves butter with a little bread. Exactly as my grandma would do, leave a piece of butter near them and it will be gone instantly without needing anything to go with it.
I am sitting here on Jade's Thomas board with race tracks on the other side of my computer and Charlie bouncing in her jolly jumper blowing bubbles and slobbering like crazy. Ah the life of a mom, lol....the days of having a clean house for more than a day are gone for quite sometime.
Alrighty, on that note I shall bid you adieu and go get Jade ready for bed. Again, thank you for all the positive words and encouragement. I am still pretty hesitant to put any of this out there but once I force myself to press send, there is no turning back.
"To believe you can is everything"
Sunday, January 4, 2015
Goodbye 2014, Hello 2015!
2014 was quite a year; as Ted put it, "it was a polarizing one". Every year starts off hard as January 15th marks the anniversary of my grandma's passing. No matter how much time passes, it still feels like she is just away until those moments I know she would be around hit. Another sad event to begin the year was the passing of my kind hearted and gentle father in law. He was a man who lived life to the fullest and had the sense of humour that we all loved. I adored the man and no matter how far away he was, we always knew the love he had for his entire family; oh and of course the proudness he had that Jade's nose was like his. The last conversation we had over facetime was one of the greatest as the news that I was pregnant was shared.
2014 also was a year of separation for Jade, Ted and I. With Ted living in Borden and us in North Van, times were tough but fortunately the saying "distance makes the heart grow fonder" rang true for all of us. The farther we were physically apart the closer we became emotionally and our marriage only blossomed. It was hard times being apart, but we did it and are better for it. During that time, Jade and I spent a lot of time with my parents who were amazing and supported us every step of the way. If it weren't for them, I doubt we would have survived, lol. The love they have for Jade and vice versa is absolutely heart warming.
With the birth of Charlie came a whole new beginning to our lives. Apparently we like to do all the big things at one; we got married and bought our first place within a week; when Jade was born we put a down payment down on a new place the same day and this time, with Charlie, we were in the midst of moving again. Only this time it was a move far bigger than ever before. Thankfully Ted was able to be home for the birth and spend a few weeks with us before having to return to do the long drive back to Borden. Of course, this birth didn't go as planned and Charlie graced us with her presence a week before the scheduled c-section. Throughout the pregnancy, Jade always referred to the baby as Charlie, well initially it was Mater but with my mom's help that changed to Charlie, and we always told everyone that was not going to be the name. Trust me, that was the truth, the truth until I had her in my arms for the first time and Ted and I looked at each other and said, Charlie. So, on September 4th, 2014, Charlie Cynthia de Volder became the fourth member of our family. At the end of the month, Ted hit the road to Borden in our new Santa Fe, Fe Santa Fe as Jade calls it, to make it back in time to meet the moving truck at our new home.
At the end of October, the girls and I packed up what was left and we headed out east to be with Ted at our new home on the base. Saying good bye to my parents was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. For those of you who know me, I do not show my emotions when it comes to crying, but this time there was no hope of holding back and I broke down. Mette, Mike and Kjell joined us at the airport which was soooo nice and great for Jade. This was the first time I would not be living within a short drive of my parents or see them every few days. My parents mean the world to me and moving away was absolutely heart breaking; however, Ted, the girls and I need to be together and they are the priority. North Vancouver will always be my home, my parents will always only be a phone call away, always be there for us and friends and family will always be there. Being a family again, Ted, the girls and I, has been wonderful and done wonders to bring us closer.
The transition has been tough, I will not lie or sugar coat things. I am absolutely terrible with any sort of change be it a change in plan of the day or what someone says so this has been a test. It is tough not knowing anyone, living in a small town and not having much to do. At times I get sad missing what is in BC but, as I said, being a family under one roof is all worth it. I have some great friends and of course family who keep in contact with me and help me stay positive. I also have a great husband who acknowledges the hard transition and has been amazingly supportive.
I already talked about Christmas previously but will pick up and say we ended the year off on a very good note with a trip to Chicago. It was our first family road trip as a foursome and went swimmingly well. At times it got pretty chilly which caused one camper to be a little unhappy but overall it was a fabulous trip to a city we fell in love with. Of course I wouldn't want tot move there, but to be a tourist in, awesome!!!
Now it is back to life again, one more week off for Ted which is really nice and gives me a lot of help. It is also the beginning of school for Jade, yep she starts preschool this week. It could not happen any sooner, lol. Those who know Jade, know how social and active she is, so being cooped up with shy me and baby Charlie girl for over two months was not fair. Despite going to a some drop ins and what not, there just was never enough socialization opportunities. This gal has been talking about school since, well, a long time so to finally get to go, is very exciting. Thus the beginning of 2015 has been a positive start. Hopefully it will cure her of her utter fondness of the word "what"; she told me she is pretty funny because she says it. Now it is mostly to push Ted's buttons as a joke but she does love it. Of course though, nothing will come close to her love for her Cars.
Sorry for the blahness of these blogs and lack of me to this one but I promise, the next one will be back to me and not just the mundane day by day report. I could start that here but that would just make this way too much reading in one sitting so will leave you knowing that next up, I will bring a little me into it and a little talk about Frozen.
2014 also was a year of separation for Jade, Ted and I. With Ted living in Borden and us in North Van, times were tough but fortunately the saying "distance makes the heart grow fonder" rang true for all of us. The farther we were physically apart the closer we became emotionally and our marriage only blossomed. It was hard times being apart, but we did it and are better for it. During that time, Jade and I spent a lot of time with my parents who were amazing and supported us every step of the way. If it weren't for them, I doubt we would have survived, lol. The love they have for Jade and vice versa is absolutely heart warming.
With the birth of Charlie came a whole new beginning to our lives. Apparently we like to do all the big things at one; we got married and bought our first place within a week; when Jade was born we put a down payment down on a new place the same day and this time, with Charlie, we were in the midst of moving again. Only this time it was a move far bigger than ever before. Thankfully Ted was able to be home for the birth and spend a few weeks with us before having to return to do the long drive back to Borden. Of course, this birth didn't go as planned and Charlie graced us with her presence a week before the scheduled c-section. Throughout the pregnancy, Jade always referred to the baby as Charlie, well initially it was Mater but with my mom's help that changed to Charlie, and we always told everyone that was not going to be the name. Trust me, that was the truth, the truth until I had her in my arms for the first time and Ted and I looked at each other and said, Charlie. So, on September 4th, 2014, Charlie Cynthia de Volder became the fourth member of our family. At the end of the month, Ted hit the road to Borden in our new Santa Fe, Fe Santa Fe as Jade calls it, to make it back in time to meet the moving truck at our new home.
At the end of October, the girls and I packed up what was left and we headed out east to be with Ted at our new home on the base. Saying good bye to my parents was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. For those of you who know me, I do not show my emotions when it comes to crying, but this time there was no hope of holding back and I broke down. Mette, Mike and Kjell joined us at the airport which was soooo nice and great for Jade. This was the first time I would not be living within a short drive of my parents or see them every few days. My parents mean the world to me and moving away was absolutely heart breaking; however, Ted, the girls and I need to be together and they are the priority. North Vancouver will always be my home, my parents will always only be a phone call away, always be there for us and friends and family will always be there. Being a family again, Ted, the girls and I, has been wonderful and done wonders to bring us closer.
The transition has been tough, I will not lie or sugar coat things. I am absolutely terrible with any sort of change be it a change in plan of the day or what someone says so this has been a test. It is tough not knowing anyone, living in a small town and not having much to do. At times I get sad missing what is in BC but, as I said, being a family under one roof is all worth it. I have some great friends and of course family who keep in contact with me and help me stay positive. I also have a great husband who acknowledges the hard transition and has been amazingly supportive.
I already talked about Christmas previously but will pick up and say we ended the year off on a very good note with a trip to Chicago. It was our first family road trip as a foursome and went swimmingly well. At times it got pretty chilly which caused one camper to be a little unhappy but overall it was a fabulous trip to a city we fell in love with. Of course I wouldn't want tot move there, but to be a tourist in, awesome!!!
Now it is back to life again, one more week off for Ted which is really nice and gives me a lot of help. It is also the beginning of school for Jade, yep she starts preschool this week. It could not happen any sooner, lol. Those who know Jade, know how social and active she is, so being cooped up with shy me and baby Charlie girl for over two months was not fair. Despite going to a some drop ins and what not, there just was never enough socialization opportunities. This gal has been talking about school since, well, a long time so to finally get to go, is very exciting. Thus the beginning of 2015 has been a positive start. Hopefully it will cure her of her utter fondness of the word "what"; she told me she is pretty funny because she says it. Now it is mostly to push Ted's buttons as a joke but she does love it. Of course though, nothing will come close to her love for her Cars.
Sorry for the blahness of these blogs and lack of me to this one but I promise, the next one will be back to me and not just the mundane day by day report. I could start that here but that would just make this way too much reading in one sitting so will leave you knowing that next up, I will bring a little me into it and a little talk about Frozen.
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