Now that I have given you the history of me and where I have come from, I guess I should continue to be honest. I will lay it all out and let you have a little glimpse of who I really am and not the person I necessarily appear to be. It can be hard work to keep a calm facade but it is all worth the effort in my opinion. I do not know the number of times I have been asked how I stay so calm and even keeled; oh how I wish that were the truth. I guess sometimes it is just easier to hold it all in and let my insides feel the brunt then let loose. Unfortunately that often means those near and dear to me get to feel my wrath when there is no longer any more room left inside.
I am a worrier, an anxious worrier, who is constantly wondering what others are thinking of me, analyzing my every word and action; not to mention second guessing if anything is really genuine. Before I go out, my mind is playing out scenarios and what I would do....of course, none of them usually happen. As many of you know, I have this things with phones; some think it is ridiculous and others just giggle but seriously, I hate talking on the phone. Anytime the phone rings or I have to call someone that is not family member, my heart races and I procrastinate to the point that I will often call when I don't think anyone will answer so I can just leave a message. There, I said it, now you all know. Hence my love of texting and emailing. If given the choice to stay home or go out with people, home is where my heart would be and thus my body. Unfortunately, well, I guess to others it is not unfortunately, my dear eldest daughter is nothing like me this way and would rather be out with crowds and socializing like a butterfly. I have no hope of sitting in the back and staying quiet when with her; we are up at the front and right in the action.
This over active mind of mine also leads to great curiosity; I see something and I need to know what is going on. Of course I don't walk right up and ask what is going on; I get the stealth shoes on and being my own investigating. Oh, it can be fun....
So, that is a little more about the inner me; no doubt more of it will become evident down the road. For now though, why not tell you where I am now in my life. Ted, the girls and I are on a little adventure as I like to say. With Ted in the military, the days of planning life down the road are no longer and woohhheee, let me tell you, that is a transition for me. I like to plan ahead, know what is happening because if I don't, I start making scenarios in my head and the worrying goes loco. This journey out east has been one of great change....full of fear, nerves and stress but also of hope and love. Our family together again under one roof after a year of being apart and only having visits. I have had to push myself way outside my own limits and comfort zones; meeting new people, stepping up to the plate to fight my personal demons all the while staying strong and being a mom.
Being a mom and a military wife at the same time is a new role for me. I love my life with these girls and being a military wife has afforded me the opportunity to see other parts of the country I would not otherwise have seen. It is also helping me challenge myself and improve myself and my relationships. The girls and I spends lots of time together; 24/7, and man do my patience get tested. How can they not though when you have a wild thing daughter who is such a happy social butterfly (pure awesomeness with a unique, bright personality)? I wouldn't change it for anything....
Being a mom of these two girls of mine is an amazing and fun adventure.
Jade always seems to have something to say or do that can make me laugh
and just wonder where the heck she came from. Our little girly
girl who wears her dresses, carries a purse and is in love with Cars.
She asked Santa for a doll house....for all her cars. Sure enough Santa
go her one and we look over to see the people have been removed and
there are Cars tucked into the beds. The comment of today that has stuck
with me..."mommy, I am the leader"...what was that noise? ...."leaders
fart mommy". Charlie just giggles and smiles constantly; especially
when she hears or sees Jade.
Sometimes though are tough for Jade and I; Charlie is too young to know any different. Not having my parents right around the corner or friends that I know I could grab a quick coffee with or have my back is tough. It can be lonely at times but we have each other and have to remember that this is all for the better and most importantly we are a family living under one roof together.
This year of separation for our family has been one of growth rather than one of drifting apart. The distance has brought a new appreciation for each other, for what we have and for our lives together. As hard as being apart can be; it has benefited our family immensely and I would say we are now closer, happier and more secure than ever before.
Ok, so...there, I have given a little more glimpse into me and where I am at. Maybe I can start doing more blogging on what is happening currently and what life is now like.
Here I am, a daughter, sister, mom and military wife. I no longer currently play any team sports (concussions knocked me out of hockey) so sometimes I go a little stir crazy trying to figure out things to do to stay active. That usually ends up being the excitement of walking....yes, sheer excitement. Well, when you are walking with a 3.5 yr old who pretends they are driving a car and wanting you to sing "The Cars Song " aka "Life is a Highway"; it can be quite fun. Besides trying to stay active, I do love my cooking and baking. Was pretty proud of my latest turkey dinner with garlic mashed potatoes and stuffing from scratch (no box crap for this family) followed up with some candy cane brownies. If anyone wants to suggest meals for me to try, please do as I am always looking to add to the recipe list.
Well, I am running out of things, or actually going brain dead as my eyes glaze over, so will bid you all adieu until the next installment.
By the way, thank you so much for all the kind remarks on my opening blog...it really meant a lot and helps me keep going.
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