Now that I have given you the history of me and where I have come from, I guess I should continue to be honest. I will lay it all out and let you have a little glimpse of who I really am and not the person I necessarily appear to be. It can be hard work to keep a calm facade but it is all worth the effort in my opinion. I do not know the number of times I have been asked how I stay so calm and even keeled; oh how I wish that were the truth. I guess sometimes it is just easier to hold it all in and let my insides feel the brunt then let loose. Unfortunately that often means those near and dear to me get to feel my wrath when there is no longer any more room left inside.
I am a worrier, an anxious worrier, who is constantly wondering what others are thinking of me, analyzing my every word and action; not to mention second guessing if anything is really genuine. Before I go out, my mind is playing out scenarios and what I would do....of course, none of them usually happen. As many of you know, I have this things with phones; some think it is ridiculous and others just giggle but seriously, I hate talking on the phone. Anytime the phone rings or I have to call someone that is not family member, my heart races and I procrastinate to the point that I will often call when I don't think anyone will answer so I can just leave a message. There, I said it, now you all know. Hence my love of texting and emailing. If given the choice to stay home or go out with people, home is where my heart would be and thus my body. Unfortunately, well, I guess to others it is not unfortunately, my dear eldest daughter is nothing like me this way and would rather be out with crowds and socializing like a butterfly. I have no hope of sitting in the back and staying quiet when with her; we are up at the front and right in the action.
This over active mind of mine also leads to great curiosity; I see something and I need to know what is going on. Of course I don't walk right up and ask what is going on; I get the stealth shoes on and being my own investigating. Oh, it can be fun....
So, that is a little more about the inner me; no doubt more of it will become evident down the road. For now though, why not tell you where I am now in my life. Ted, the girls and I are on a little adventure as I like to say. With Ted in the military, the days of planning life down the road are no longer and woohhheee, let me tell you, that is a transition for me. I like to plan ahead, know what is happening because if I don't, I start making scenarios in my head and the worrying goes loco. This journey out east has been one of great change....full of fear, nerves and stress but also of hope and love. Our family together again under one roof after a year of being apart and only having visits. I have had to push myself way outside my own limits and comfort zones; meeting new people, stepping up to the plate to fight my personal demons all the while staying strong and being a mom.
Being a mom and a military wife at the same time is a new role for me. I love my life with these girls and being a military wife has afforded me the opportunity to see other parts of the country I would not otherwise have seen. It is also helping me challenge myself and improve myself and my relationships. The girls and I spends lots of time together; 24/7, and man do my patience get tested. How can they not though when you have a wild thing daughter who is such a happy social butterfly (pure awesomeness with a unique, bright personality)? I wouldn't change it for anything....
Being a mom of these two girls of mine is an amazing and fun adventure.
Jade always seems to have something to say or do that can make me laugh
and just wonder where the heck she came from. Our little girly
girl who wears her dresses, carries a purse and is in love with Cars.
She asked Santa for a doll house....for all her cars. Sure enough Santa
go her one and we look over to see the people have been removed and
there are Cars tucked into the beds. The comment of today that has stuck
with me..."mommy, I am the leader"...what was that noise? ...."leaders
fart mommy". Charlie just giggles and smiles constantly; especially
when she hears or sees Jade.
Sometimes though are tough for Jade and I; Charlie is too young to know any different. Not having my parents right around the corner or friends that I know I could grab a quick coffee with or have my back is tough. It can be lonely at times but we have each other and have to remember that this is all for the better and most importantly we are a family living under one roof together.
This year of separation for our family has been one of growth rather than one of drifting apart. The distance has brought a new appreciation for each other, for what we have and for our lives together. As hard as being apart can be; it has benefited our family immensely and I would say we are now closer, happier and more secure than ever before.
Ok, so...there, I have given a little more glimpse into me and where I am at. Maybe I can start doing more blogging on what is happening currently and what life is now like.
Here I am, a daughter, sister, mom and military wife. I no longer currently play any team sports (concussions knocked me out of hockey) so sometimes I go a little stir crazy trying to figure out things to do to stay active. That usually ends up being the excitement of walking....yes, sheer excitement. Well, when you are walking with a 3.5 yr old who pretends they are driving a car and wanting you to sing "The Cars Song " aka "Life is a Highway"; it can be quite fun. Besides trying to stay active, I do love my cooking and baking. Was pretty proud of my latest turkey dinner with garlic mashed potatoes and stuffing from scratch (no box crap for this family) followed up with some candy cane brownies. If anyone wants to suggest meals for me to try, please do as I am always looking to add to the recipe list.
Well, I am running out of things, or actually going brain dead as my eyes glaze over, so will bid you all adieu until the next installment.
By the way, thank you so much for all the kind remarks on my opening blog...it really meant a lot and helps me keep going.
Saturday, December 27, 2014
Thursday, December 25, 2014
A Little Intro to The Mystery of Me
After a hiatus from blogging I have been encouraged to get back to it and thus here I am. I was pretty decent and keeping everyone up to date with my pregnancy with Jade and the first year of her life then kind of fell off the wagon; rather than jumping back to that blog 2 yrs later, I have decided to change things up a bit and start a new one.
For those who don't know me that well, my name is Jaime....I am a daughter, sister, wife and mother of 2 little gals. Life has been a roller coaster ride for me and not for the reasons many others would use that term for. I have amazing parents, a big sis who I love dearly and have always looked up to, spent my young years playing sports and being a goodie two shoes. Playing basketball was my major passion and in my mind I was going places with it. On the side there was always skiing, softball and pretty much whatever else I could get myself into...sports, I love them; both playing and watching. Up until grade 5 I spent my weekends skiing up a storm with my buddies on Blackcomb thanks to my grandparents. Once I hit high school, basketball was my life and I excelled at it and dreamed it would take me to university. That dream was dashed mid way through high school though thanks to evil Anorexia.
Yep, I am a sufferer, lost much...dreams, friends, graduation....but also gained much; strength, a voice and understanding. Looking back, being on deaths door and not knowing it put my family and supportive friends through hell. I never understood why they were so worried until I got to a point in my health that I was able to understand how close to death I was and what had become of my translucent self. I will never forget the first time I saw my dad cry or the tears my mom would try to fight back when seeing me struggling. No matter how nasty I was (ya, to them and also how I looked), they never gave up on me and did whatever they could to get me healthy.
Needless to say, I never made it anywhere in basketball nor did I graduate on time. I never walked across the stage at a high school graduation or partook in graduation festivities. I learned who my true friends were as many just stopped talking with me. I could focus on all the negatives but why not look at where I have come. After treatment locally then in Arizona, I overcame many obstacles and was able to reach a healthy point in my life where I could take on the thing called life again and begin a new journey. Through the experience, I learned a lot about myself, I gained some new friends and my path in life took a new turn. I chose to become a nurse...what else could I do to give back to all those who spent days and nights fighting my demons with me and never taking my bitchiness personally. After nursing school I went directly into the field of mental health and 7.5 years later I am still there and know it is the area I will always remain.
During nursing school I experienced a great loss when my grandma passed away unexpectedly. My grandma was an amazing woman but like everyone had struggles of her own. No matter what though, she was a mainstay in my life, someone who watched me grow up, who provided me positive life experiences I would otherwise not have been able to experience and cared for me like only a parent could. Almost eight years later and I still have not fully come to terms with her not being in my life and each milestone in my life reminds me of her loss and that she is not here to be apart of them.
In 2007 I started dating who would become the love of my life and shortly after graduated nursing school. By 2009 I was married and opening more chapters in my life. 2011 brought our first dear daughter; a miracle in itself as I thought the damage I had done to my body was going to destroy any hope of me having kids of my own. When I found out I was pregnant, the excitement was beyond just about being pregnant; it was about that in addition to the restoration of my body. I won't go into any detail about my pregnancy as I already did a whole blog on it. By 2014 we have welcomed our second daughter and the fun has just begun.
A husband who joined the military, a daughter that can light up a room with her smile or energy and a baby girl with just a single dimple, my family is growing and yet another lag in the journey of life has begun. With my husband being gone for a year for training, life wasn't always the easiest but yet again, my parents stepped up and provided us with the support we needed. Without them, Jade and I would have been blubbering messes but they helped me stay strong. Shortly after our newest addition joined us, the girls and I packed up and moved out east to join the missing entity in our family. Leaving my parents has been extremely hard but as they always say, they are only a phone call and plane ride away. Moving to a new town has been tough but being a family again under one roof has all been worth it.
Some might say it is exciting and yes they are right. However for someone who avoids meeting new people on their own and struggles with change, it has been both exciting and scary. Being on maternity leave takes that structure of a job and routine away, no family close by to just pop over and see; no close friends to grab a coffee with or know they are just around the corner if I needed anything. The girls keep me going though, if it were not for them, I may have climbed into a corner during the day and only come out once Ted was home. I have been forced out of my shell, out of my comfort zone and my routine of life.
The girls and I spend our days going for walks around the base with some stay and play days and some library days. We laugh a little, joke a lot, learn a little and goof around some, we even frustrated too. I love these girls to bits.
Writing is something I have always liked to do and is the easiest way for me to communicate. So here I am, telling you all my life story and letting you all learn a little about me so I am not quite the mystery so many say I am. There is more beneath the surface of this calm and cool exterior. Why not tell you all about my love of cooking too and share some of the meals or baking I undertake. I have my trusty side kick to help me now in the kitchen which is awesome; however, she is a bit of a distraction and requires some monitoring so things can actually be made and not eaten before the fact, i.e. cookie dough :) Being that this is a blog, no grammar nit picking allowed as I am doing this free flow....Well, and I HATE re reading what I have written as I like just letting the juices flow as they say.
So, there you have it, I am going to shut'er down for tonight and will reconvene over the next few days with some more. I wish you all a very Merry Christmas !
For those who don't know me that well, my name is Jaime....I am a daughter, sister, wife and mother of 2 little gals. Life has been a roller coaster ride for me and not for the reasons many others would use that term for. I have amazing parents, a big sis who I love dearly and have always looked up to, spent my young years playing sports and being a goodie two shoes. Playing basketball was my major passion and in my mind I was going places with it. On the side there was always skiing, softball and pretty much whatever else I could get myself into...sports, I love them; both playing and watching. Up until grade 5 I spent my weekends skiing up a storm with my buddies on Blackcomb thanks to my grandparents. Once I hit high school, basketball was my life and I excelled at it and dreamed it would take me to university. That dream was dashed mid way through high school though thanks to evil Anorexia.
Yep, I am a sufferer, lost much...dreams, friends, graduation....but also gained much; strength, a voice and understanding. Looking back, being on deaths door and not knowing it put my family and supportive friends through hell. I never understood why they were so worried until I got to a point in my health that I was able to understand how close to death I was and what had become of my translucent self. I will never forget the first time I saw my dad cry or the tears my mom would try to fight back when seeing me struggling. No matter how nasty I was (ya, to them and also how I looked), they never gave up on me and did whatever they could to get me healthy.
Needless to say, I never made it anywhere in basketball nor did I graduate on time. I never walked across the stage at a high school graduation or partook in graduation festivities. I learned who my true friends were as many just stopped talking with me. I could focus on all the negatives but why not look at where I have come. After treatment locally then in Arizona, I overcame many obstacles and was able to reach a healthy point in my life where I could take on the thing called life again and begin a new journey. Through the experience, I learned a lot about myself, I gained some new friends and my path in life took a new turn. I chose to become a nurse...what else could I do to give back to all those who spent days and nights fighting my demons with me and never taking my bitchiness personally. After nursing school I went directly into the field of mental health and 7.5 years later I am still there and know it is the area I will always remain.
During nursing school I experienced a great loss when my grandma passed away unexpectedly. My grandma was an amazing woman but like everyone had struggles of her own. No matter what though, she was a mainstay in my life, someone who watched me grow up, who provided me positive life experiences I would otherwise not have been able to experience and cared for me like only a parent could. Almost eight years later and I still have not fully come to terms with her not being in my life and each milestone in my life reminds me of her loss and that she is not here to be apart of them.
In 2007 I started dating who would become the love of my life and shortly after graduated nursing school. By 2009 I was married and opening more chapters in my life. 2011 brought our first dear daughter; a miracle in itself as I thought the damage I had done to my body was going to destroy any hope of me having kids of my own. When I found out I was pregnant, the excitement was beyond just about being pregnant; it was about that in addition to the restoration of my body. I won't go into any detail about my pregnancy as I already did a whole blog on it. By 2014 we have welcomed our second daughter and the fun has just begun.
A husband who joined the military, a daughter that can light up a room with her smile or energy and a baby girl with just a single dimple, my family is growing and yet another lag in the journey of life has begun. With my husband being gone for a year for training, life wasn't always the easiest but yet again, my parents stepped up and provided us with the support we needed. Without them, Jade and I would have been blubbering messes but they helped me stay strong. Shortly after our newest addition joined us, the girls and I packed up and moved out east to join the missing entity in our family. Leaving my parents has been extremely hard but as they always say, they are only a phone call and plane ride away. Moving to a new town has been tough but being a family again under one roof has all been worth it.
Some might say it is exciting and yes they are right. However for someone who avoids meeting new people on their own and struggles with change, it has been both exciting and scary. Being on maternity leave takes that structure of a job and routine away, no family close by to just pop over and see; no close friends to grab a coffee with or know they are just around the corner if I needed anything. The girls keep me going though, if it were not for them, I may have climbed into a corner during the day and only come out once Ted was home. I have been forced out of my shell, out of my comfort zone and my routine of life.
The girls and I spend our days going for walks around the base with some stay and play days and some library days. We laugh a little, joke a lot, learn a little and goof around some, we even frustrated too. I love these girls to bits.
Writing is something I have always liked to do and is the easiest way for me to communicate. So here I am, telling you all my life story and letting you all learn a little about me so I am not quite the mystery so many say I am. There is more beneath the surface of this calm and cool exterior. Why not tell you all about my love of cooking too and share some of the meals or baking I undertake. I have my trusty side kick to help me now in the kitchen which is awesome; however, she is a bit of a distraction and requires some monitoring so things can actually be made and not eaten before the fact, i.e. cookie dough :) Being that this is a blog, no grammar nit picking allowed as I am doing this free flow....Well, and I HATE re reading what I have written as I like just letting the juices flow as they say.
So, there you have it, I am going to shut'er down for tonight and will reconvene over the next few days with some more. I wish you all a very Merry Christmas !
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